the good, the bad, and the beautiful
BY JENNY SMITH MATTFELDT Published August 20, 2024
All photos below were taken by oaknfern.com, the only thing better than their photography is what a dream they are to work with.
Planning your wedding is such a personal decision, and the pressures of others opinions can be suffocating. In a world where the average wedding costs over $30,000, the notion of micro weddings has gained significant traction as couples seek more intimate, budget-friendly celebrations. Despite the allure of a smaller guest list and a streamlined event, planning a micro wedding comes with its own set of challenges. I feel it does offer a more personal experience but it also requires a certain level of decisiveness that can make it just as complex as a larger affair.
Everything is cyclical, and the Covid era brought back a wave of small, intimate weddings. When my partner and I first started planning our wedding we went back and forth a million times on the size. We had heard from so many of our friends that at their bigger wedding they didn't really see their partner much throughout out the day which was the main factor that had us leaning towards a smaller event. If you are on the fence right now about what size wedding you want to have my biggest advice is to sit down with your partner and find your nonnegotiables. We had a few Sunday coffee dates and came up with the top three things we wanted out of our wedding day;
to spend the entire day together
great pictures
luxury vibes
We were really aligned on those three things and coupled with our refusal to spend 30 thousand dollars we came to the decision to have a small event. We actually debated Vegas for a long time which is a great option if you're looking, there are all sorts of packages that make planning simple. Now, don't get me wrong it wasn't as simple as that makes it sound. I have a very, very big family and the weddings can be 300+ people. The weddings are a blast but just didn't feel like us. It just came down to fact that I valued my time with Blake more than I was worried about others experiences with my wedding. If this had been a few years earlier I don't think I would have had the backbone to make that decision but through years of eft tapping I've really honed the abilty to make my choices regardless of how I think others will respond.
The Good
The number one benefit to having a small wedding is you and your partner get to be together the entire day. We were apart maybe four hours while we got ready before hand. We set up a little ceremony area in a snowy park, had cocktails with our family at our favorite bar, then had dinner and a party at a restaurant that had a private bar and bowling alley.
I knew our photographers were good (oaknfern.com) but you will be shocked was great photographers can do with a simple space. Some of my favorite photos from the day were taken in a random park in Bozeman Montana. We were able to have the ceremony with only our immediate family, one groomsman, and one bridesmaid. Then at Ponderosa, the restaurant we chose, we had our godparents and their families join us and a couple of our best friends.
Because it was such a small group we were able to use some very lux spaces which was very us. The whole day was just so much fun - I was with my partner and laughing all damn day.
The Bad
This can be a tough decision if you are sensitive to others opinions. It's easy in this process to start focusing on how others will feel and completely start to second guess yourself, although that may be true for all types of weddings.
A micro wedding can feel untraditional, my dad still walked me down the aisle but the ceremony was much quicker and less formal than most. If I could change anything I would put more effort into the ceremony but at the time I didn't know that I would miss those more traditional elements. Just becasue it's less people doesn't always mean less planning.
I had doubts the whole time about not having a few of my cousins an aunts there. It's something that did bother me about the whole process but with a family as big as mine I was afraid if I invited a couple more relatives it would snowball into the entire family.
Lastly, I had an amazing time at my wedding but I was so happy when it was over. I think having a smaller affair takes a lot of the stress off, but it is still wedding planning you're going to be a bit overwhelmed.
The Beautiful
I cannot with this photo, my Grammi was one of the highlights of my night. One of the most beautiful parts of a small wedding is the amount of one on one time you get to spend with your loved ones.
Not everyone was onboard with the decision but in the end I was so pleasantly surprised by how supportive most people were. I also got a lot of comments from friends and family that if they could go back and redo their wedding they would do something small to spend more time with their partner.
After all the dress shopping, Pinterest scrolling, and wedding day stress it's easy to lose sight of what really matters. Marriage is a huge commitment, and when it comes down to it it’s not about the party, the dress, or even the guest list. A wedding is about standing before God and making a lifelong promise to your person. In a world where it’s so easy to get caught up in the aesthetics and the Instagram-perfect moments, remember to keep bringing it back to the core: being there for your partner. If you can do that, you'll be just fine.
So, do I regret having a micro wedding? Not at all. It allowed us to keep the focus where it mattered—on our marriage, not just the party. But that’s what worked for us. The most important thing is staying true to what you want. Whether it’s a grand celebration or something more intimate, what matters most is that it feels right for you and your partner. But I do have some advice if you're considering going small...
My Do's and Don'ts
Don't
have a small wedding if deep down you want a big dance party
let yourself be persuaded by other peoples opinions
assume that it will be a lot cheaper - that comes down to the locations and the aesthetic you're going for
be swayed by trends and the wedding industry - if you want a big wedding amazing but make sure you're doing it becasue you want it not because the industry led you there
Do
have a micro wedding if you're concerned about spending the max amount of time with your partner
as a couple find your top three nonnegotiables and do whatever you can to make those happen
still be meticulous about your planning, just because it's less people doesn't mean there's no planning
be open with your family about what you're doing
understand you might regret not having certain people there
plan your day centered around exactly what you and your partner want to be doing
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